booty of the hoodlum rockin' my red hood

i will overcome i will overcome i will overcome i will overcome in my heart I know there is a way out. It's not an extensional exit. I can't walk away and never feel these things again. I don't want to forget hate or bitterness. I think I got exactly what I asked for. Working, making friends, going out, "moving forward" with life... It all just left me feeling so hollow. This is what I wanted. I wanted another bout of misery. Something so intense I could draw from it for the rest of my life. I will. I don't wish to be some flat, two-dimensional love box. I have so many demons inside of me. But even these demons have become my friends. To help the world, to impact the world, I need to understand more than just who I am. But some people skip that part entirely. I would feel blind if I didn't know my own nature the way I know it now. Actually, that describes it perfectly. I've felt impaired, chaotic, and empty for as long as I can remember. I've learned to slow myself, and feel. Yes, I get angry. Yes, I get sad. I've been suicidal and starved myself. I don't complain to my friends. They wouldn't understand. Sometimes I feel like the baby. Sometimes I feel like the adult. The point is, I'm different. If there's a blindspot in the human experience, I'm here to open the lid a bit further. I'll piss off progressives and conservatives alike in my lifetime. I'll never agree with indoctrination. Yes, there is liberal indoctrination. It's just as cancerous to the mind as so-called "narrowminded conservative ways." All in all, one day this blog will be used against me in court of law. I know this because our society is terrified of truth. The herd mustn't be spoiled. Hm.