rebellion and adrenalin composed my early self. i got a nasty kick out of tormenting my parents. even now such antics loosen up the nerves.
i wonder, how many more sides do i have to pull? stripped of loving kindness, and slowly caked with nihilism. i cant de-evolve, just change. a person is not only all they have done, but they are their environment. their own anger brings hostility to their homes. when i learn not to sound like a condescending jerk, people will stop arguing with me. thats the idea, right?
i kind of like arguments, honestly. that flustered, animal side of you comes out. it shows where your emotions are really coming from with your words. some people get scared by this. i dont like people who are afraid and give in to fear. these are the kinds of people who would stand there if you got the upper hand while getting mugged.
when i give up my juvenile grudges against myself, you know, quit being a masochist, then i will find some proper education. ive always had hard, honest work in mind. i can crack the whip.
someone around me is a monster. that monster breaths down my neck and tells me what he wants me to become. i resist. in time my face, my hair, my voice, and even my... motives... became that monsters.
the worst part about this monster is,
its advice is really good. so you end up loving it
but ultimately it doesnt care, so it eats you anyway.
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